Order Only: Private Message to Pansy

[alt_susan]

How are you doing?

I've been following all the Order Only chatter about the pins, but I haven't really had anything to add just yet.

But I've been worrying about everyone quite a lot. Not that that helps really.

Comments

[alt_susan]

Aurelia and I broke it off last week, right before the end of hols.

And I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about that when there's so much else going on.

I still miss her, though.

[alt_pansy]

Oh!

Oh, Sue!

I'm so sorry to hear that.

[alt_pansy]

I remember when Draco broke it off with me, it felt like I'd never be able to love anyone ever again.

Because we've got so few people we can truly talk to, and trust, and share ourselves with.

[alt_susan]

Thanks.

I didn't tell anyone then, but we almost broke up right before she left school last year. We were snogging (and maybe doing a little more than snogging) when she noticed my ring. Because I kind of knocked into her with it.

I tried to tell her it was an heirloom from my dad's family but apparently her uncle had one and she threw an absolute wobbler because she was afraid I might off myself. And I had to absolutely lie my teeth off. And things got better again, but there was a tension--maybe a bit like how Greengrass was with Ron. She half-way knew but she didn't want to know.

[alt_pansy]

I can see how she'd be like that after what happened to her uncle.

And it's very Slytherin to try one's best to ignore things that make one uncomfortable, or to know something, but keep from facing it head-on.

[alt_susan]

Yeah.

And she kept her Galleon--she can be really sentimental about things sometimes--so she saw some of what we've been doing with that last term, and that's what she said in her little break-up speech. That she couldn't stand to possibly lose someone close to her that way ever again--and it might be safer for me.

What's funny (in a gloomy sort of way) was that I'd been thinking of breaking up with her because of the same thing. And a little bit because she's moving ahead with her life and I'm still at school. Her parents have been at her to find someone to settle down with and she hasn't decided if she'll put them off or do the traditional pureblood thing and just be with girls on the side. And I couldn't go on being her secret for too much longer.

So maybe it's for the best.

[alt_pansy]

That certainly doesn't make it any easier though.

And I know you liked her quite a bit, but you do deserve better than to be anyone's girl on the side.

Do you want to have a music-listening party? With chocolate? I need to take my mind off of things too, and I promise we'll only listen to the sappy stuff if we're in the sort of mood to laugh at it.

[alt_susan]

That sounds lovely!

Just for an afternoon we can pretend we're back in 3rd or 4th year and our problems won't seem as overwhelming.

Remember when when 'Hey Hey Merlin' got played on WWN? We were all so excited!

[alt_pansy]

I haven't played that record in ages. We'll have to dust it off. I still can't believe we managed it.

And if it's just the two of us, we can pull out the really good stuff. I fell in love with a Queen album I think you'd like. I nearly wore out over hols. And I don't remember whether you've heard any Pink Floyd, but it really is brill.

[alt_susan]

No, I haven't! Are they Muggle?

My parents have some good books but their taste in Muggle music was dead boring--lots of some bloke called Cliff Richard who's absolutely blech.

[alt_pansy]

They are, and they're dead nift. Like sing at the top of your lungs good.

That's settled, then. Let's go to the Secret Room, so we can blast it as loud as we want.

[alt_susan]

Done! I'll see if I can scrouge up a few things too, and meet you there!

Merlin bless that Secret Room.

[alt_pansy]

We've worked up to it gradually enough, but I can see how it'd be downright overwhelming to leap straight into what we do, and what we're prepared to do.