Order Only: Private Message to Evelyn Longbottom

[alt_susan]

I wish this was a proper letter where I could ask after you and Terry and Kevin (and Colin and Lisa and Mr Davidson and the others) but things are pretty mad around here as you can imagine so this is more by way of passing along a message than anything else.

I just had a really interesting talk with Megan. She was absolutely bursting to tell me how happy she was to read Draco's post and get the news about Sarah Fawcett. I'm sure she's read Harry's too though we didn't talk about him as such.

Anyhow she poured out to me about all the guilt she's carried (and it's not unjustified but I didn't know how deeply her regrets went) about Sarah's death. And then she said "Not that I'm asking exactly but--if I were asking--do you think there might be a way to get a message to Sarah somehow?"

And part of me wanted to go the route of protecting my cover and say something like "What makes you think I'd know?" But--it just seemed like a moment for trust. And truth. At least some trust and truth anyhow. So I allowed that I thought I probably knew someone who could get a message to Sarah. Since she hasn't got a journal of her own that person's you ;). I figured you could show it to Sarah (if you think she would want to see it--but Sarah's always seemed like someone who'd rather know about things than not) and Sarah could respond--or not. So this is Megan's note:

Sarah, it is Megan. I know I don't deserve even to talk with you because I betrayed you and got you killed. Only you didn't get killed and I am so glad. And I am so sorry for what I did, and I don't deserve for you to forgive me but I just wanted you to know that I am not like I was before and I am not doing what people like Umbridge say, and I would do anything to do all that over again. And I am so glad you are alive. I hope you have everything you need. And I am so sorry I did what I did, and if those Order of the Phoenix people got you to a safe place then I owe them more than I will ever have. I am so glad you are alive. - Megan

I really wanted to show Megan the Galleon at least; but I couldn't without breaking the oath.

Comments

[alt_evelyn]

Yes, of course, I can see why you'd want to take the chance.

I'm glad she was sorry about what she did, and that she was able to find out that Sarah didn't really die. I can't imagine what that kind of weight must've been to carry around.

I'll pass it along to Sarah tonight, and I'll let you know if she says anything back.

And I suppose this business with Draco and Harry speaking up like that... it really does matter, doesn't it? Quite a lot.

I'm sorry things are so mad at school. I know it sounds utterly insane, but I do very much miss not being there, even during times when it got dangerous or frightening, because it was with all of you, and I do wish I was there with everyone right now.

[alt_susan]

Yeah. It matters a lot.

You're definitely missed in Gryffindor and beyond (and not just because Ed doesn't get to do rounds with you any more!).

Sorry--feeble attempt to inject some humour into the whole situation.

I sometimes wish I could be up at Moddey with you lot. Hanging 'round the munitions post waiting to hear if we'd be needed at Barrow-in-Furness was awful & stressful but it was nice to have a chance to spend time with you and get to know the Moddey gang a bit more. People talk a lot when there's nothing else to do.

[alt_evelyn]

Everyone's very kind here. Sometimes it can get a little weird, because I've spent such a long while trying to not be noticed at Hogwarts, and it's pretty near impossible to do that here when your mum is in charge of everything.

So there's that.

I'm really going to have to make sure Kev doesn't get a swelled head when he grows up a bit more.

But they are good people, all round, aren't they? Lisa's utterly brilliant, and sweet, and Colin's just so very funny once you get him going, and I've started eating lunches with Morgan, who is teaching me how to crochet, and has the prettiest singing voice.

Maybe this summer you can hang 'round some more. I'd like that. Very much.

[alt_susan]

Ha! I never thought of that--but you're right. You can't escape people knowing who you are!

I'd love to spend more time there if I can. One advantage of having not a clue what I'm meant to be doing after school--I can come up to Moddey a lot under the guise of job hunting or something.

And Ev--I meant to say--I'm sorry if I've been...awkward I guess. Neville & I had just begun to think about--if we wanted to be something to each other in addition to being mates. And what he did was so big and so final--I've never known what to say.

[alt_evelyn]

Oh, Sue.

I think I had a bit of an idea about it. Every now and then he'd get this soft little smile when he'd say your name, and I teased him about it once, even, and

It's awful, isn't it? It's like missing a future that can't happen any more, on top of everything.

It is awkward. All of it. I'm sorry, too.

I'd rather be awkward around you than not be around you. Because you make a pretty wonderful friend. I can see why he'd


He was so broken up over Hannah, you know, and that was a what-might-have-been too. And I can imagine it hasn't been easy for you, but there is a small part of me that is glad he was thinking about you like that, that he was thinking about taking that chance, because you're worth taking the chance for. You really are.

[alt_susan]

Yeah. Missing a future that can't happen--that's a perfect way to describe it.

We had Hannah in common--I think that's part of why I didn't want to think of him that way for so long. Even though we were only in 3rd year when she died.

[alt_evelyn]

I can see how that would've been hard to sort through.

And yes. That's the part that keeps pulling me up short. I keep inventing new things to miss.

[alt_susan]

I finally believe we're going to win this thing. And Neville won't be there with us (at least not in the same way) and that's just.

It rots.

[alt_evelyn]

Yeah. It so very does.